My serious script attempt

[GREATwarEAGLE]

I don't understand the improper, unnecessary hyphens.

loc-ker
se-cure
ber-serk

I notice this in everything you write.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 15, 2002 10:58 PM: Message edited by: GREATwarEAGLE ]</font>

[emjen]

Hello. This is my 2nd serious script i've made. This is not one of those ramblings i usually post, so i hope you'll read this through and post some comments. Not just "nah, i dont like it" or "It's great" but things that could be improved (and how if possible) and stuff like that. What's good about it, whats bad about it. These are the 10 first pages of my script, and I've now written 27 of them (so it's not finished yet). I made a plot first before I started this, but i kinda changed most of it while typing. If you want to know what happens next I'll post more, but I think its kind of stupid to post 27 pages all at once.

thanks
------------

INT. MEN?S TOILET IN SCHOOL. DAY

FADE IN on?

? A men?s toilet. Marks of usage are seen in it, the toilet hasn?t been cleaned in a few days, and has been used several times. The cabinet of the toilet is pretty clean, apart from the graffiti and markings on it. SPLASH. The sound of something dropping in water from the cabinet next door.

The door of the men?s room OPENS, and A BOY walks in and stops to look at himself in the mirror. He?s smaller than average, has a kind face and wears baggy clothes. He touches his hair, *****d with gel on a few spots. SPLASH. The sound of something dropping in water again from one of the cabinets. The boy looks back and smiles. He sees two shoes with pants between the floor and the door of the cabinet.

BOY
(leaves and grins)
Good luck there.

INT. CABINET

TODD, a boy aged 17 is taking a **** in school. He?s obviously bored, and sits on his elbow, looking at the graffiti on the door. Todd is a handsome young man, looking older than he really is. He didn?t pay much attention to his hair, there?s only some wax in it from a few days before. On the door are drawn several love declarations, teacher hatings and party invitations. There are a few drawings of teachers with knives chopped into their heads. Todd pulls a pencil out of his pants, and writes ?How come there?s so much on this door when you never **** here?? right under the words ?Satan will come?.

Todd frowns his eyebrows, bored.

TODD
(whispers)
Satan will come?

Todd grabs some toilet paper and starts wiping his *** .

TODD
(whispers)
What an *** .

INT. MEN?S ROOM

Todd washes his hands with water and looks into the mirror. He?s a tall and muscled young man, with a handsome face which hardly smiles. His dark, bit-ter eyes look into the mirror.

TODD
(whispers)
Stupid Satan worshippers.

INT. SCHOOL HALL

The school hall is much cleaner and brighter and *****d with boys and girls. There are a few girlfriends waiting just outside of the men?s room, laughing a bit with each other. Some friends are leaning against the lock-ers. A boy is secretly dealing out small packages to other students. The school?s bully and his friends are bullying two of the school-nerds, de-manding money. The four girls just outside of the men?s room are eagerly looking at the door.

GIRL #1
I heard he?s from Europe, and won the European Olympics.

The other girls laugh.

GIRL #2
There are no European Olympics.

GIRL #1
Of course there are. How else could he?ve won them?

The girls laugh again.

GIRL #1
(curls hair)
Oh **** it?s just what I?ve heard.

GIRL #3
They say he?s been going to the toilet every day since his first day at school.

Girl #3 is the prettiest of the girls, with long dark hair, a slim body and not too much make up on, she?s the prettiest as her natural self.

GIRL #2
So?

GIRL #3
To **** . He says hello to his chocolate underwear every day.

The girls laugh again. Then the MEN?S ROOM DOOR OPENS. Todd walks through it and doesn?t pay attention to the girls, who are silent all of a sudden and stare at Todd. Girl #3 can?t stop staring at Todd, while the others are a bit shocked by his overpowering and dark appearance.

GIRL #1
**** . That?s him?

GIRL #4
Oh my God.

GIRL #2
What? What?s wrong with him? I think he?s pretty cute.

Girl #3 watches Todd go to his locker, and grab some of his books. Todd doesn?t pay attention to the people in the hall, and doesn?t see some of the groups looking and whispering behind his back.

GIRL #1
Don?t go for him. I?ve heard he?s dangerous.

GIRL #2
Why? Is he going to slap you with his golden metal he won in the European Olympics?

GIRL #1
Hah hah hah? You can laugh all you want. One of the girls in my geology class said he?s from a psychological institution, or something.

GIRL #3
(responds to the girls again)
You shouldn?t believe everything they say until you?ve experienced it for yourself you know. I think he looks very interesting. He?s different than the rest of the boys.

GIRL #1
Of course he is. He?s crazy.

GIRL #3
(grins)
Well so am I.

CUT TO

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA.

The tables are *****d with people, eating their own lunch. It?s a big and bright hall, big enough for hundreds of students. Everyone laughs and talks as they eat their lunch.

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA ? WAITING LINE

Todd grabs some sandwiches and milk from the kitchen. Next to him is the BOY who was in the MEN?S ROOM before. The boy looks at him when Todd doesn?t look. Todd notices this.

TODD
What?

BOY
Hi. My name?s Jeremy, but my friends call me Jem.

TODD
Ok.

Todd and Jeremy have *****d their plates with food and are heading for a table. As they pass the other tables with boys and girls they get some looks.

JEREMY
You?re new here aren?t you?

Jeremy?s doing his best getting attention from Todd, but he doesn?t exactly cooperate. Todd finds an empty table and sits down. Jeremy finds his place at the opposite of the table.

TODD
Yes.

JEREMY
What?s your name? I?m new here too you know. I?ve arrived a week before you came.

TODD
Todd.

JEREMY
Todd huh? Nice to meet ya Todd. Where are you from?

Todd looks up from his lunch, and looks Jeremy straight in the eye for a split second. His piercing stare goes right through Jeremy, making him quite startled and uncomfortable and not able to avoid his look.

TODD
Let me just finish my meal please, Jeremy.

JEREMY
(out of the trance)
Oh of course of course.

The bully and his friends come enter the cafeteria in the background. They look into the hall, searching for someone.

JEREMY
I?m from Europe. I?ve lived there for 5 years with my mom and dad. I don?t have an English accent because my parents are American. Do you like soccer?

The bully and his two friends have found what they were looking for; the school nerd, sitting all alone at a table. The table is the table next to Jeremy?s back. Todd watches as things evolve.

TODD
(with a mouthful)
Soccer is ok.

JEREMY
It sure is, I?m pretty good at Keeping. I could?ve made it to the pro?s if I wouldn?t have moved here you know. Hey, why don?t I show you around? Or has someone else already done that?

The bully slams on the nerd?s table. Jeremy looks back, over his shoulder.

JEREMY
(bending over to Todd, whispering)
That?s Clyde. He?s the school?s mobster. One time, someone tried to mess with him. You know what Clyde did? He took his clothes and let him walk around naked in school. In school! Naked!

CLYDE
Give your lunch to me Ferrieboy.

Todd grabs his second sandwich, and has the same bored look on his face while watching Clyde.

JEREMY
(whispers)
I?m telling ya. Don?t mess with that guy.

FERRIEBOY
(hesitating, but finally finding courage)
No. No I won?t. I should be stick up? sticking up for myself. Yes. No. No I won?t give you my lunch.

The people at the tables closest to Clyde go silent, and watch him. The other tables don?t notice the small argument between Clyde and Ferrieboy as?

? Clyde looks at Ferrieboy silently. After a few seconds he bursts into a painful laugh. More people watch Clyde. Todd?s eyes grow darker.

CLYDE
(laughing)
Do you hear that? Mom said he should stick up. Well ok than Ferrieboy, I don?t want your lunch. Here have it your way.

Clyde grabs Ferrieboy?s plate and throws it into his face. Ferrieboy?s face if covered with milk and green stuff. The three bullies all laugh loudly, and some people at the tables laugh silently. Now everyone in the Cafeteria is watching.

TODD
That wasn?t a very nice thing to do.

The bullies stop laughing. Everyone stares at Todd. Jeremy crumbles.

CLYDE
What? Did you say anything?

JEREMY
(hissing to Todd)
No. No!

TODD
I said, that wasn?t a very nice thing to do.

One of the bullies gets scared, and steps back. Clyde and the other one step towards Todd.

CLYDE
Well, we?ve got a smart mouth here haven?t we? What shall we do with you?

TODD
(as calm and bored as ever, finishing his sandwich. His tone is almost re-questing)
I think you will leave me alone.

CLYDE
Do we? Do we? Well ?

The scared bully interrupts Clyde, and pulls him back. He whispers some-thing in Clyde?s ear.

CLYDE
(walking back, and talking more silent)
I?ll be seeing you later, nutcase.

And the whole cafeteria starts talking again. Jeremy looks at Todd with wide eyes. He still can?t believe what he just saw.

JEREMY
I think I?ve just fallen in love with you. No one ever says anything to Clyde. Really! There are only two people who? now three people? who got away with it. You have Rod, the star quarterback who?

TODD
(looks up to Jeremy)
I don?t care.

JEREMY
Oh ok. But what I don?t understand is what did that guy say to Clyde? He must?ve said something weird. What?d he say? Did he say anything about you?

TODD
Why is it that small guys like you have to make up your height with your mouth?

JEREMY
Uh- what? I?

TODD
(gets up)
Why don?t you show me around.

CUT TO

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT. MORNING

Just outside of the school, which is three floors high and big enough to fit thousands of students, is the parking lot for both teachers and stu-dents. It?s one of the main places people hang out after school to talk about upcoming parties or homework or make out. There is hardly any clutter on the ground, the janitors make sure everyone keeps the area around the school clean. As always, teens try to impress one another with their cars. Simple minded girls laugh and hang out with the coolest of the boys with the most expensive car. This morning is a bright morning, and birds are trying their best to top the sound coming out of the handmade sound-installations of the cars.

Four guys are hanging around by one of the guys cars. They?re the modern-age Grease boys, dressed to impress and work out fanatics. They laugh tough and are showing off to two pretty simple minded girls looking at them.

GREASE BOY #1
(signals with hands)
No, no I swear. This big. This big! A cat could fill that hole!

The girls laugh.

GREASE BOY #2
Yeah hah hah. You should see the other?s guys face! He was terrified! He didn?t know what hit him hah hah. Right John?

JOHN
Yeah! Hah hah!

GIRL #1
Why don?t you s h o?w? me?

The girl looks at something which makes her forget what she was about to say. The other girl sees it too.

GREASE BOY #1
What?
(looks over his shoulder, and sees Todd walking next to the parking lot to the schools entrance.)

Todd, with a bored face as ever, walks with a relaxed pace towards the school. His hands are in his pocket, and because of his height he looks over everyone?s head as he passes by. He doesn?t look down, he looks straight forward but no one in the eye.

GREASE BOY #1 (V.O.)
I don?t get it. What?s the big deal with this guy?

GIRL #1 (V.O.)
I?ve heard strange stories about him. None too pleasant.

GREASE BOY #1 (V.O.)
What?

Todd finds an empty bench, and sits down without removing his hands from his pocket. He looks around a bit, looking at people. As soon as Todd looks at a person who was looking at him he quickly looks another way.

GIRL #1 (V.O.)
Well? when he was like 10 years old or so, he wanted a television in his bedroom. He was like, very spoiled you know. Well, his parents wouldn?t let him have a TV, so he snuck out and picked the TV from the living room.

GREASE BOY #1 (V.O.)
Oooh how terrifying.

GIRL #1 (V.O.)
His father got so mad he like almost killed him. But? ehm what?s his name?

GIRL #2
Todd.

GIRL #1
But Todd was too quick, and? and killed his dad with the TV.

GREASE BOY #1
Yeah right.

GIRL #1
There are many stories about him, and they?re all different. But they all have one thing in common.

GREASE BOY #1
They?re all ********?

GIRL #1 (V.O.)
Todd came out of a mental institution.

Todd sits there on the bench nice and easy AS?

JEREMY
(from the back)
Hey! Hey Todd!

Todd looks to his right, he sees Jeremy running towards him.

JEREMY
(waves)
Yo Todd.

Jeremy takes a seat next to Todd AS?

TODD
Hi.

? The SCHOOLBELL RINGS.

JEREMY
Well isn?t that perfect timing?

CUT TO
INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION ? PRINCIPALS OFFICE. DAY

PRINCIPAL
Well well well?

A 7 year old boy stands in front of the Principal?s desk. The little boy holds a nurse?s hand. The room is dark, the windows are closed. The princi-pal is a big man, around 50 years old. He looks pretty sympathetic and de-cent, but it?s just a cover. He?s reading the boy?s dossier.

PRINCIPAL
Todd Elgan eh? From? hmmm? seems ok to- hmmm? mmkay.

The Principal puts the dossier on the table and puts both of his hands on his desk. He looks straight in Todd?s eyes. Todd looks back. For some kind of weird reason, the Principal isn?t himself anymore, he?s changed from se-cure to doubting, just for a split second. He quickly recovers himself and doesn?t look Todd in the eye no more.

PRINCIPAL
I?m Principal Luke Reif. You address me as Principal or Sir, ok kid?

TODD
Yes Sir.

PRINCIPAL
It?s quite something you?ve done there kid. These things I?ve read in this file. I think I?ll have to keep special attention to you. I don?t like pesky little buggers screwing things up, get that?

TODD
Yes Sir.

PRINCIPAL
I?m glad we agree. Take him to his room, Jodie.

INT. HANG OUT ROOM ? MENTAL INSTITUTION.

Kids from 5 to 15 are gathered in the main living room of the mental insti-tution. Some are watching television, others are playing Memory on a table or playing Foosball. Others are drawing, or sleeping somewhere. The oldest boys, aged 10 to 15, are sitting in a corner on big sofas and benches. The rest of the crowd shows respect for this elder group. This hall, or room, is painted white and has few to none decorations in it. It?s supposed to be a peaceful room to keep the inhabitants quiet.

The nurse walks Todd in, whispers something in his ear, and leaves again. There are only three nurses and one bodyguard in this hall, and they are playing poker behind a wall.

Some of the kids see Todd come in, and immediately one of the older kids gets up and walks towards him. This must be the leader of the group, since the rest follows. The group exists of 5 boys. The leader is 13 years old, has a navy-hairdo and the way he walks is a mix of limping and walking tough.

LEADER
(presses a finger against Todd?s chest)
Who are you?

TODD
Todd.

LEADER
I?m Bob. I?m the boss. And you
(finger against chest again)
are new here.

TODD
Yup. How old are you? I?m seven. I?m here, because they say I ?

BOB
Shut the **** up. I do the talking rookie.

TODD
What?s a rookie?

BOB
(finger against chest again, pushing Todd backwards a bit)
You?re a rookie.

Bobs gang laughs.

BOB
Want to be a part of my group?

TODD
(looks at the group)
Nah. You?re all too old for me. I?m only seven. I?m going to watch televi-sion.

Todd sets a few paces towards the TV, but Bob gets him and throws him on his back. Bob jumps on his stomach and puts his knees on Todd?s upper arms.

TODD
(Screaming)
Ah! That hurts! Stop!

BOB
I tell you what to do, when to do. Got it?

TODD
(Getting very mad)
Ah! Get off me! Go away!

BOB
Silent!
(Slaps Todd in the face)

Bob?s gang is all around Bob and Todd now. They?re cheering as Bob throws another punch in Todd?s face. Todd is now silent, but going totally ber-serk.

CUT TO

INT. HANG OUT ROOM ? MENTAL INSTITUTION

The bodyguard and nurses run into the hang out room. As the nurse opens the door she sees everyone looking at one point. Todd stands there, with blood on his hands and on his face. Around him lie five guys, beaten up. Todd?s heavily sighing, and finally collapses. The nurses and bodyguards run to Todd and the guys.

CUT TO?

[emjen]

it happens when I copy and paste things in this website. I can't help it, it's my computer or this website.

[emjen]

Come on people. Lots of views but no replies [img]frown.gif[/img] At least say what you thought of it when you read it. Here's the rest of it.


CUT TO?

?TODD?S EYES, dark, beautiful eyes, observing A?

INT. CAFETERIA. DAY

Todd?s standing behind the bar with his working clothes on. A white hat with a red shirt, and a nameplate with TODD on it. The cafeteria has room for around 40 people. Todd works in the cafeteria with MADELYNE, a woman in her forties who does most of the kitchen work and TOM, another 17 year old waiter. There are a few groups eating lunch, it?s pretty quiet in the cafe-teria, there?s no one waiting for his food right now so Todd and Tom have nothing to do. Todd is resting his hands on the desk, observing the people eating. Tom is playing on his Game Boy on a bar chair.

MADELYNE
(leaning against the door, from the back)
So how?s your new school, Todd?

TODD
(turns around, and leans with his back against the desk, putting hands in his pockets)
It?s fine.

MADELYNE
(walks forward and gets some Diet Coke from the fridge)
Come on come on Teddy, you know I ain?t gonna settle for that.

TODD
(smiles faintly)
It?s fine. I think a guy made me a friend for him. But he?s ok.

MADELYNE
A guy made m- ah? And how are the girls? I bet a cute guy like you must get a lot of attraction.

TODD
Well I?ve only been there 4 days. They?re more talking about me than talk-ing to me. Heh, and I almost had a fight.

TOM
(doesn?t look up from his Game Boy)
With who?

TODD
Clyde.

The door opens and a man in very stylish expensive yet old clothes walks in. He?s gray, has a three day year old beard and smiles. He walks towards the bar.

TOM
(pauses the Game Boy)
Clyde? As in ?white B.A.? Clyde?

TODD
I don?t know.

TOM
Dude, whaddya mean with ?almost picked a fight? with CLYDE? With Clyde man? You don?t just ?almost pick a fight? with Clyde! He picks a fight with you, or he doesn?t. What did you do?

MADELYNE
(to the man)
Can I help you?

TODD
He did something dumb. I said something. He almost fought me. Lucky for him his friend held him back.

TOM
What??

MAN
A vanilla milkshake, please.

MADELYNE
Large? Medium?

MAN
Medium.

Madelyne makes a milkshake. The man follows Todd?s and Tom?s conversation, paying much attention to Todd.

TODD
You need to hear anything more than once don?t you?

TOM
He held Clyde back? Clyde is like? he?s? he?s B.A. **** it! I mean, I know you?re strong? but?

Todd looks to his right, through the windows. Two men in dark clothes walk fast, suspiciously fast. They?re looking into the Cafeteria.

TOM
Why didn?t he fight you man? Why?d his friend held you back?

As they enter they pull guns out of their jacket.

ROBBER #1
(runs up to the bar)
Everybody put your hands in the air now!!! You! (points at Tom) Open the ******* cash register!

ROBBER #2
(runs to the guests)
******* hands in the air! Shut the **** up!

TODD
What the **** ?

ROBBER #1
Shut the **** up! Need I blow your brains out! **** you! Give me the money! You! (points at Tom again) ******* give me the money!

TOM
Okay okay!

Tom opens the cash register and

ROBBER #1
In the bag!

puts the money in the bag.

ROBBER #2
Shut up!!!

A woman screams when the gun is pointed in her face. Robber #2 smacks her in the face. She faints. Todd looks really pissed off.

ROBBER #1
Hurry!

TOM
(putting the last bills in the register)
That?s it.

ROBBER #1
Ok, go go go!

Robber #1 backs away still aiming at everyone, followed by Robber #2. As soon as they turn around and make a run for it, Todd JUMPS over the bar and runs after them. He?s downright pissed off.

MADELYNE
(screams)
Todd! Come back!

EXT. STREET ? CURB - OUSTIDE CAFETERIA. DAY

The robbers are just 10 meters ahead of Todd. Robber #1 looks back while running. There aren?t many pedestrians in the way, two armed men in black usually make people move to the sides of the road.

ROBBER #1
**** !

Robber #1 turns around, and FIRES TWO SHOTS at Todd, and immediately starts running again. Todd throws himself forward, gets up and looks at himself. He?s unhurt. Todd grumbles and sprints forward, continuing the chase.

The robbers are now 20 meters ahead and make a right. Todd follows their path and when he makes the curve he sees Robber #2 getting into a car, and Robber #1 meters ahead, still running. Todd hesitates but goes after Robber #1. The getaway-car drives away, next to Todd.

Robber #1 throws some pedestrians on the ground, making it a challenge for Todd to get him. Todd easily jumps over them. The pedestrians scream, but don?t want to interfere with the happening. Todd?s to pissed off himself to think of the other pedestrians, all he wants to do is get the robbers.

The car HUNKS and slows, the RIGHT DOOR OPENS. Robber #1 looks back, sees Todd and tries to catch the car with his final breath. Todd?s just 5 meters away from the robber, almost getting him.

Robber #1 grabs the door and runs next to the car, on the street. Other cars hunk. Todd reaches for the robber?s back, almost grabbing him, but the robber gets in and the car immediately accelerates.

Todd stops as he sees the distance between him and the car growing. After one silent moment, as in the silence before the storm, he starts running. All he thinks about is getting the car, it?s the only thing on his mind. The getaway-car is the only thing he looks at. He runs on the road between the cars, he runs and runs.

INT. GETAWAY-CAR

ROBBER#1
(looks over his shoulder through the rear window)
What the **** !?!

Robber one scares the **** out of himself after seeing Todd running after them. Only the fastest man on earth could run that fast!

EXT. STREET

Todd is angry. This angriness makes him unaware of the things around him. Todd doesn?t notice that he?s OVERTAKING a car. Todd doesn?t notice his SPEED. The only thing he wants is to get closer to the getaway car. He wants to get it, and he w?ll. Drivers hunk in awe when they see Todd, star-tled. People in the curb look at him. And Todd doesn?t notice.

Todd?s almost closing in on the car ? almost. What Todd doesn?t see is the crossroad they?re heading into ? the big red van coming from the right. Todd sprints as hard as he can past the other cars, after the getaway car going THROUGH RED LIGHT.

EXT. CROSSROAD

The Robbers fly through the cars coming from the right, followed by the SOUND OF SCREECHING TIRES of cars who try to avoid the accident with the getaway-car. The robbers make it, barely. Todd follows. He JUMPS over the first car, which stands still because it just brake. The cars HUNK. Todd lands, runs 3 meters and then ? SLAMS INTO THE SIDE OF THE RED VAN. Luckily the van didn?t drive fast.

Todd falls on his back.

FADE TO BLACK

INT. TODD?S APARTMENT. NIGHT

Todd lives in a small apartment, on his own. There are only two bedrooms, one of them is a study and the other is his bedroom. In the living room is a couch and a small TV. There is not much clutter on the floor, Todd cleans every two days.

Todd looks at himself in the mirror, topless. He?s thinking. He looks at BROKEN WRIST. He looks at his other hand, and opens and closes his fist. His right eye is black. The upper part of his chest is black and bruised.

He walks to the bathroom, and as he walks past the couch his eyes catch the unfolded piece of paper he just read lying on it. He stands still, picks it up and looks at the paper again. He sighs through his nose and with a shak-ing head he throws the piece of paper away and walks to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

INT. PIECE OF PAPER

The piece of paper says:

?I THINK THERE?S A REASON FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE?

Written with PEN.

FADE TO BLACK

A voice, loud, clear, echoing. A voice of a greater being, going through bones:

VOICE
You will find each other. Some call it instinct, some call it destiny, oth-ers call it luck, but you will find each other.

INT. TODD?S BEDROOM. NIGHT

Todd scares awake and sits straight up. He?s covered in sweat. He looks to the ceiling with wide eyes.

TODD
Mother******!

INT. CLASSROOM. DAY

Geology class ? full with boys and girls, most of them are talking to each other, others are taking notes or paying attention to the teacher; a little fat man with a beard. Todd?s somewhere in the middle of the class next to the window, looking outside. A few seats away from him is GIRL #3, looking at Todd. Next to Girl #3 is Jeremy.

Jeremy notices Girl #3 looking at Todd.

JEREMY
Psst. Hey.

Girl #3 looks around.

JEREMY
You fancy Todd?

GIRL #3
Pff.

JEREMY
Eh?

GIRL #3
Nooh.

JEREMY
Not really convincing.

GIRL #3
I don?t fancy him, I just think he? he is?

JEREMY
A stud?

GIRL #3
He?s interesting.

JEREMY
You can say that again. I?m his friend, Jem. What?s your name?

GIRL #3
Sarah. Do you know Todd?

JEREMY
Know, know? what does that word mean anyway? If you mean ?knowing? in the way you ?know? your father, then no. If you mean ?know? like you know a sandwich, then yes.

SARAH
A sandwich?

JEREMY
You know how big the sandwich is, you know what?s on it. But you don?t know what the **** happened with it.

SARAH
What?

JEREMY
Let me put it this way, ehm ?

Jeremy looks up and puts a finger under his chin.

SARAH
Yes?

JEREMY
All right all right I don?t know Todd. I?m just his friend since the last three days. I?ve shown him around school and stuff. And for the record, he doesn?t have a girlfriend.

SARAH
Are the things true?

JEREMY
What things?

SARAH
They say about him, are they true?

JEREMY
Well he shits everyday in school.

SARAH
The other stories. About the institution and stuff.

JEREMY
Eh?

Todd?s looking outside, thinking again. His fist and his fingers are open-ing and closing.

SARAH
They say he went to a mental institution. You haven?t heard?

JEREMY
No! I?ll ask him.

SARAH
No! Don?t! You haven?t heard it from me! Don?t ask him!

JEREMY
Why not? He won?t kill me, right?

SARAH
(glances at Todd)
I think not.

JEREMY
Then it?s settled. And if he gets angry I?ll say you told me.

Jeremy puts up a wide grin.

SARAH
(grumbles)
You won?t!

EXT. SCHOOL. DAY

Todd sits on a bench. He?s eating a sandwich and doesn?t pay attention to the small number of students passing by. Out of nothing Jeremy comes and throws himself on the bench.

JEREMY
Why aren?t you in the cafeteria? Don?t like the food?

TODD
I don?t like the people.

JEREMY
What are you autistic or something?

TODD
I just don?t like them.

JEREMY
I?ve been searching for you the whole break man. Why are you here?

TODD
(turns his head to Jeremy)
I just told you.

JEREMY
Yes, but I mean, why here, outside, and not in the toilet or whatever?

TODD
I?m thinking.

JEREMY
About what?

TODD
Myself.

JEREMY
How come?

TODD
How come I?m thinking about myself?

JEREMY
Well - yeah.

TODD
What does that matter to you?

JEREMY
I just want to know man, easy. Holy **** stop being just a tight *** .

TODD
I?m a tight *** ?

Todd looks to the ground and smiles.

TODD
Heh. I guess I am. I just don?t like talking.

JEREMY
No kidding. So tell me, what?s on your mind?

TODD
Well, in case you haven?t read the newspaper?

JEREMY
Never read it.

TODD
? Well I?m in it.

JEREMY
Really? What did you do?

TODD
It?s a tiny article. It?s about me running after a car.

JEREMY
Why did you run after a car?

TODD
Well? the place I worked was being robbed.

JEREMY
And?

TODD
I chased the robbers.

JEREMY
And?

TODD
You do see my eye and wrist, don?t you?

Jeremy, someone with a small concentration span, takes a look at Todd.

JEREMY
(realizes Todd?s unhealthy state)
Come to think of it ? you do look like **** . What the **** happened with you?

TODD
I was hit by a van.

JEREMY
(painful face)
Ouch. How?d that happen?

TODD
I ran, and I didn?t see the van. I hit the side.

JEREMY
(Jeremy?s attention is growing)
Was it driving fast?

TODD
Kind of slow.

JEREMY
Then how come you look so **** ?

TODD
Well?

Todd looks at his broken wrist wrapped in bandage. He moves his fingers.

TODD
I ran fast.

JEREMY
Man ? you gotta tell me more. I don?t get a single piece of your story. You was being robbed, you chased them, then you ran so fast you ran into a car and broke your arm.

TODD
Wrist.

JEREMY
Whatever. What?s so special about that? Why did it come in the newspaper?

TODD
The thing is? I almost ran faster than the car.

JEREMY
Yeah right!

TODD
I can?t remember it. I got this letter from a man who was in the place I work and saw me running. A colleague gave me his letter.

JEREMY
What?d it say?

Todd doesn?t really want to talk more, but when he looks at Jeremy he no-tices that there really isn?t any other option.

TODD
I am myself for a reason.

Jeremy looks at Todd for a second, his mind is still occupied with some-thing else.

JEREMY
How can you run as fast as a car and not even notice it?

TODD
Don?t know.

JEREMY
I see you don?t know, but what do you think?

TODD
I think?

JEREMY
Yes?

Todd sighs, talking this much isn?t something he?s good at.

TODD
I was so occupied with just getting the robbers, that I forgot everything else around me. It was just me and them. Overtaking cars was just a part of it.

JEREMY
Wait a minute. Overtaking cars?

TODD
As I said, I almost ran faster than the cars.

JEREMY
Didn?t the paper exaggerate? You didn?t know you could run that fast?

TODD
Don?t know.

JEREMY
Come on Todd tell me more man. I ain?t psychic and all.

TODD
Well? there seems to be some kind of blur when I get angry. When everything is clear it?s mostly just me the last man standing.

JEREMY
What about those other stories ? you coming from a mental institution?

TODD
They?ve been going around?

JEREMY
Yeah.

TODD
Who told you?

JEREMY
Well uhm ? everyone I guess. I?ve only just heard.

TODD
What exactly have you heard?

JEREMY
I?ve done some asking, and stories differ from you being kidnapped from your parent to you killing your parents. The one I had to laugh most about was the story about you being abducted.

TODD
I am.

JEREMY
Abducted?

TODD
Yes.

JEREMY
Ah **** you with your stories.

TODD
Don?t tell anyone. I?ll tell you later but I can?t talk right now.

JEREMY
What!? Shut up! Wha- ?

TODD
I?m just kidding. But I did?

JEREMY
Did what?

TODD
I did go to an institution.

JEREMY
Really?

TODD
(nods)
And I don?t want to talk about it right now. I might tell you later.

JEREMY
Okeedokee. Oh by the way do you know Sarah?

TODD
Sarah who?

JEREMY
Sarah from geology class.

TODD
No.

JEREMY
I think she fancies you. It?s a beautiful girl man. You should talk to her.

TODD
No. I like boys.

Jeremy looks around, startled and with an open mouth.

TODD
(smiles)
Just kidding.

JEREMY
I don?t get you man, I really don?t.

Jeremy gets up and walks into the building.

JEREMY
You?d better get back to class as well.

INT. SCHOOL HALL

Jeremy walks up to Sarah, who?s waiting at a corner of the hall. As Sarah sees Jeremy coming up she notices that Jeremy is smiling.

SARAH
What?s so funny?

JEREMY
I?ve talked with Todd.

SARAH
About what?

JEREMY
(looks at Sarah trying to be serious)
You try talking with him!

SARAH
What did he say? Did you ask him?

JEREMY
Yeah. Well, he?s quite someone for sure. But I?m not really sure.

SARAH
You said you talked with him.

JEREMY
Hey I wanna see you try ?n talk with him!

SARAH
Did he go to an institution or not?

JEREMY
(walks away)
I have to go to class. Yeah I guess he did. See ya later.

Sarah?s left behind, startled. She looks to the door and sees Todd coming in. Sarah holds her breath as Todd walks her way. She turns red and hesi-tates ? should she talk to him or not? Sarah opens her mouth to say hello ? but when Todd passes but there?s nothing coming out of it.

CUT TO

EXT. STREET ? NEXT TO PARK. DAY

Todd walks in the quiet part of town. There are hardly any cars on the road next to him, the main thing filling up the small road are the parked cars from the people who live in the apartments next to the street. At Todd?s side of the road is a small curb, and next to that A GREEN PARK behind a fence. Between the curb and the street are large trees, casting shadows over the parked cars.

Todd walks, with his hands in his pocket, and his eyes observing the things around him. As always, he doesn?t look too happy. His eyes rest ON?

EXT. SPIDERWEB

? A SPIDERWEB, woven in the fence. A fly just flew into the web, and a spi-der is doing his turning the what once was a fly into a cocoon.

Todd stands still in front of the web to look at it. The expression on his face doesn?t change.

Suddenly THE WIND BLOWS and a small piece of wood flies into the web, cut-ting it and casting the spider down. Todd follows this and looks down on the ground, to see the small curled up spider lying helpless on the street.

Todd goes through his knees, and picks up the spider. He stands up straight and looks at it for a second. It?s still curled up in the palm of his hand. Todd looks at the web, cut in half. The fly?s still hanging in it.

Todd places the spider back in the web, and holds his arm and hand stretched until the spider realizes there?s no threat and climbs back into his web again. Todd, still with the same expression, gets a slight glimpse of the wonders of nature in his eyes.

When Todd walks again FADE TO BLACK.

INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION ? DOCTOR?S ROOM. DAY

Little 8 year old Todd?s having his weekly conversation with the doctor, the kind man DR. COHAN. Dr. Cohan is in his forties, and is serious with his job; analyzing and helping mental ill children in this institute. Todd?s been in this institution for a few months now, and has just turned 8. The room is bright, posters for children are hanging on the walls and there are colorful chairs in the room.

TODD
Thanks Sir.

Todd?s holding a teddy bear.

DR. COHAN
No big deal Todd. Eight years old is a big age now isn?t it?

TODD
(nodds)
Uhuhm.

DR. COHAN
Aren?t you going to name your teddy bear Todd?

TODD
(looks at his teddy bear)
Uhm? I think I?ll call it?

Dr. Cohan smiles. Todd?s one of his favorite patients. Cohan and Todd can get along quite easily.

TODD
Fly.

Dr. Cohan looks at Todd. Todd?s still busy with his new friend, Fly.

DR. COHAN
Fly? That?s a rather unusual name for a bear now isn?t it?

Todd shrugs his shoulders.

DR. COHAN
May I ask you why you called it Fly?

TODD
(looks up to Dr. Cohan, and back to Fly)
Fly? I don?t know. I just like the name.

DR. COHAN
Would you like to fly, Todd?

TODD
(enthusiast)
Like Peter Pan?

DR. COHAN
Yes, like Peter Pan. Would you like to fly like Peter Pan?

TODD
(sighs and loses his enthusiasm)
That isn?t possible.

DR. COHAN
But you would like it, right?

TODD
Yes. Together with Fly.

DR. COHAN
Do you want to fly, so that you can fly away? Or do you want to rescue peo-ple?

TODD
I don?t know. Peter Pan don?t rescue people. The captain doesn?t like Peter Pan. But Peter Pan plays tricks with the captain.

DR. COHAN
Yep. Do you think Peter Pan should do something about the captain?

TODD
Do what?

DR. COHAN
The captain is mean to Peter Pan and his friends, right?

Todd nods.

DR. COHAN
What would you do, if you were Peter Pan?

TODD
I would fly.

DR. COHAN
(smiles)
But what would you do about the evil captain?

TODD
I? I think? I don?t know.

DR. COHAN
Todd, what if you aren?t be Peter Pan, and someone is mean to you then, what will you do?

TODD
(looks down)
I don?t know.
DR. COHAN
Look Todd. I know some people have been giving you hard times here. But you have to realize that not everyone will be nice to you. Some people will even be mean. But that doesn?t mean you can?

Dr. Cohan looks in Todd?s dark innocent wide eyes.

DR. COHAN
That doesn?t mean you can just? beat them up. Peter Pan doesn?t just beat the captain up, now does he?

Todd shakes his head.

DR. COHAN
So, next time someone?s mean to you, what will you do?

TODD
I won?t beat them up.

DR. COHAN
Good. You?re a very smart kid Todd. But you should try to control your emo-tions ? stop getting angry. Because you know what happens when you get an-gry, right?

Todd nods.

DR. COHAN
Good. Why don?t you show Fly around?

TODD
Ok sir.

Todd jumps of his chair, and holds Fly high up in the air.

TODD
Come Fly, I?ll show you my room!

Todd runs away.

CUT TO

INT. BREAKFAST ROOM ? MENTAL INSTITUTION. MORNING

The kids are having breakfast. The breakfast room is big enough for every-one, there are three long tables for the patients to sit. In each corner is a bodyguard watching over the children. There?s a mixed sound of children talking and dishes scraping over the plates in the room.

Bob sits at the left table. Next to him are his followers and friends. He looks diagonally across the table, and sees TODD and FLY. There?s no one sitting next to him, the kids are all afraid of Todd since the last acci-dent. Todd seems pretty happy with his new friend.

BOB
(pokes neighbor)
Todd finally has a friend.

NEIGHBOR
(looks up with his mouth full)
Huh? What?

BOB
(points with his head)
Todd. He has found a friend.

NEIGHBOR
(laughs like only a follower can laugh)
Huhuhuhuh. A teddy bear.

BOB
(evil grin)
I think I?ll introduce myself with him.

NEIGHBOR
Huhuhuhuhuh.

TO TODD

Bob takes a seat next to Todd. He tries to by overly nice.

BOB
Hi.

TODD
(looks up)
Hello.

BOB
How are you?

TODD
I?m ok.

BOB
Good. Me too.

TODD
I?m eight.

BOB
So?

TODD
Yesterday was my birthday.

BOB
(points at Fly)
Who?s your new friend there?

TODD
(looks at Fly)
That?s Fly. Dr. Cohan gave him to me as a present.

BOB
Can I see it?

Todd looks at Bob. He can still remember what Bob did last time. But Bob doesn?t look mean now. He looks like a friend.

TODD
(hesitates)
Uhm?
BOB
Well come on. I just want to see it. I won?t keep it.

Todd hands over Fly and doesn?t keep his eye off him.

BOB
(stands up)
Good. I?m gonna **** on him. Is that ok with you?

TODD
(shocked)
No!

BOB
Doesn?t matter. I?ll be right back.

Bob walks away with Fly. Todd jumps up and follows.

INT. TOILET.

TODD
Give him back!

Bob is pleased.

BOB
Are you going to be angry Todd?

TODD
(shakes his head)
No. Dr. Cohan says I musn?t.

BOB
(goes into a cabinet and closes the door)
Good.

TODD
(cries)
Noooo! Fly!

The sound of WATER FALLING ON THE TEDDY BEAR.

TODD
(crying)
It?s unfair.

Todd is devastated. The only thing he can do is wait for the sound to stop. Finally the door opens and Bob walks out.

BOB
He?s in there. Nice meeting him.

Bob walks out of the toilet, laughing. Todd walks into the cabinet with tears falling from his cheeks. He picks up Fly, all wet, and sits down on the toilet. Todd cries.

FADE OUT

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 16, 2002 06:03 AM: Message edited by: emjen ]</font>

[mjtate]

Could you provide a short synopsis, or would that be spoiling it?
I got as far as the stuff about "soccer", no-one says "Icould have made the pros" in the UK, pehaps "Icould have turned profession", or he could have had trials for a team, or a youth team, but if he's lived in the UK he'd never say that.
The kid coming back from the mental institute is a bit cliched, isn't it? American beuty, Donnie Darko?

[spaceham]

The dialogue wasn't bad. But the whole 'mysterious new guy turns school upside down' concept is a bit trite.

[emjen]

yeah you're right. although the concept will end in a few pages or so and will have nothing else to do with school anymore. I kind of liked it, but I'll try to find something else.

so far my script isnt that original eh... hmm. Well, what if Todd finds out on his 18th birthday that he and six others are send to earth 18 years ago as Angels? That was basically my idea.

[Generic Skinhead]

Ok bro I havent read it yet but, the thing about the angels...thats a charachter back story-not a movie plot. Its start ok, wow im an angel-then what? Give him something to do, shut down his options and the script writes itself.

[SoulJacker]

ThAt RoCKz!!!1111111111X45

[emjen]

come on, wouldnt hurt at least saying how you digged it, or if you want to know how the story continues. eh? Please man.